Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Randomize
