somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
