if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Randomize
