I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
