Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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