Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize