eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
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