My hair reeks of homosexuality.
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize