I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Randomize