Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Randomize
