I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Randomize