I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize