EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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