is your mom at the bar?
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Randomize
