just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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