I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Randomize
