Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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