Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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