He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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