so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
