he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
So gin and wine won't be happening again
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Randomize
