We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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