party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Randomize
