eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
