is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
You did what with his pubic hair?
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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