i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
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