beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Randomize
