Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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