You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Randomize
