her vagina looked like bernie madoff
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
