I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
