well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
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