2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
there is glitter all over my balls
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
