you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Randomize
