I can tuck mytits in my pants
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
