a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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