Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
