They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
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