I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
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