I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
