I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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