My Higher Power is John Stamos
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
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