i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Success! We fucked roommates!
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
