I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
