I think i sorta joined a cult last night
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
