so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
