I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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