So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Randomize
