These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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