Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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