If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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