i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Randomize
