in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
they call him Oral-B. enough said
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
