found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Randomize
