there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Randomize
