Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Randomize
