This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Randomize
