PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
