I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
