I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
