I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
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