my sisters under your porch take her home
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
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