Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Randomize
