Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Randomize
