the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize
