I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Randomize
