Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
please come you make the beer taste better
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
It was like giving head to a cactus.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
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